“Because I said so. ” — The infamous, most hated phrase a parent can use. There’s nothing like that frustrated feeling when you’re in a disagreement with your parents and that’s their response. Well, that anger is valid because that is an unhealthy way of disciplining your child. There are several types of parents/parenting styles that greatly affect children’s behavior when they get older. The differing levels of strictness and communication are the main factors that create the distinctness.
People have probably heard the term “helicopter parent” before. It derives from parents who are always “hovering”and monitoring their kids extensively. Usually these parents are strict and show little trust in their children even if they have done nothing to exhibit they’re not trustworthy. Parenting like this can prevent or dampen a good relationship between child and guardian since trust is a foundation in any relationship. Helicopter parenting actually results in kids acting up and rebelling. Instead of learning skills like responsibility, they learn how to lie and sneak around. Trust in each other teaches more life skills than expected.
Similar to helicopter parents, there are parents who are considered authoritarian. They will set strict rules and punishments with little consideration or acknowledgement of their children’s social-emotional needs. I’m not saying they don’t care about their children, but the mentality of an authoritarian-type parent is that caring is wanting the best for their children through high expectations and demands for them. Nonetheless even if the intention is right, disciplining like this has adverse consequences on a child just like helicoptering. These overly strict parents are not allowing a relationship to be built leading to their children having possible issues with building relationships themselves.
On the contrary, there are permissive and neglectful parents. Permissive parents are parents who indulge their children. They show their love by avoiding conflict and giving in to children’s wants. Children who grew up with this type of discipline or lack thereof have no understanding of authority or consideration. Neglectful parents are parents who neither discipline or give in to their children. These kids don’t have the necessities to grow up successfully and will have trust issues and resentment when they’re teenagers and older. Neither give a good, healthy relationship as a base for other relationships.
A hearty connection requires communication. As a teenager myself, I see how communication with my parents and my classmates’ communication with their parents affect our other relationships and habits. Why is communication between parent and child so hard? Well, it starts off with a foundation of communication: respect. Children are taught growing up to respect their elders, adult, parents etc. However, respect is not one-sided. As adults, it’s understandable having trouble showing respect to someone who is not as experienced and old as you. And for teenagers, sometimes it’s hard to respect someone who always tells you what to do. Despite the troubles, respecting each other is valuable for one’s mental health and trusting in a relationship. Showing respect is as easy as listening, validating, and asking. Simple steps of respect leads to better communication, ultimately leading to a strong bond.
A balanced parent will give children the development and emotional stability they will need for a healthy social life. And these descriptions aren’t stand-alone. My own parents would be helicopters, but they’d also be permissive. It doesn’t make much sense, but my mom was so worried about being a bad parent that she’d spoil my sisters and I; however, both my parents were so involved and still are involved in a lot of our social and media lives. Now they are balanced, but it wasn’t until my oldest sister became an adult and sat down with them about the way they parented that they changed. Not all of my classmates can say the same. I see everyday how a permissive parent affects the way their kid treats their friends – no respect. I also see how the kids involved with stuff they shouldn’t be come from very strict parents. I can see how deceitful they’ve learned to become.